The Loli Debate.

This article was sparked by an interesting live stream by Manic the Manic Mechanic.

He has some interest topics of debate and is worth a watch.

In this stream, Grimsy @grimsyneverdies takes the position that because people who enjoy Lolicon they are projecting their wish to commit a contact offence against actual children. The logic is straightforward enough and I can see no reason against that type of view. He follows on by claiming that Lolicon is simply “glorified child pornography”. Again, logically, not an unreasonable position.

MisterAnime343 @revys_husband does a poor job in countering the base position by quoting a specific anime (I am not familiar with any of this so, if I get wrong anything wrong, I apologise) then making an attack on Grimsy’s character right out of the blocks which does not in any way challenge the logic.

The debate then descends because it does not appear that MisterAnime343 is in any way acting in good faith and trying to follow the logic, so there are very few points after this that help in the wider debate of Lolicon.

I put my own position in a tweet on Manic’s thread.

The options in his poll are quite interesting. They reflect the current societal zeitgeist in relation to those who have an interest, either in children directly or those that have an interest more abstracted out such as the depiction of children in cartoon form.

I understand the reaction, and in a lot of ways agree, but a lot of the vitriol is borne of the perception of the person attacking rather than the actual situation. I remember a tv sketch where a father is upset because a paedophile does not find his child attractive. The father is bewildered how even a paedophile can have specific sexual preferences, but this is very much the case. If you consider all sexual preferences, not everyone has the same. There may be groups you can lump together because they share similar proclivities but that is about it.

This being the case, I find it difficult to agree that because people who masturbate to Lolicon are by extension paedophiles.  

For some it may be an avenue to actually NOT offending. If you look at the work of Michael Seto of the University of Toronto, he found there appears to be two distinct populations of paedophiles. One that are able to satisfy their urges with alternatives such as child-like dolls or artificial child pornography (i.e. Lolicon or other depictions in art). There are obvious problems in terms of the measuring the size of each group due to data collection issues (if you are an offender are you really going to put any potential court case in jeopardy) but it does highlight there are certain groups of people that could be helped by further research and the potential of these as therapies.
The other population that will continue to offend no matter what, need to be treated like any other offender and put in prison then monitored. The major problem here is resources, we only have so many social workers for monitoring or so much prison space, that the best method is research to see how they too can be treated in the future and helped from the offending path.

Unfortunately, no politician is going to hang their hat on helping this demographic of people but in the long term, the cost of research pales in comparison to the amount spent on prison and the wider criminal justice system.

When checking https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/?term=Does+lolicon+reduce+rates+of+contact+offence

It is clear that like all criminals, those engaged in paraphilia have their own unique sets of psychological and structural issues. Leftie types will tell you that people offend because of homelessness and being failed by society, which is true. Conservative types will tell you people offend because of lack of responsibility, self-discipline, and personal choice. This is also true.

Researchers will use a combined approach in order to establish the extent these impact on specific populations. Unfortunately, those more politically inclined believe they are right and neither the twain shall meet. Conservatives want to lock all these people up or execute them, Lefites want to say there should be no societal rules and that MAP’s should be embraced as a specific sexual interest. Both have supporting positions, but neither are right. NO, in a civilised society we do not murder our fellow citizens just because it is convenient. NO, we do not let everyone have an anarchic free for all. Neither of this helps anyone live their best lives.

Another question I have is more a logistic problem. Think to yourselves, what is the legal age of consent in your home country? Now look around the world, do all countries have the same age of consent? Was it the same in the history of all human societies? No. People, nations, societies all differ in how children should be reared, what role they should play, and how adults should engage with children? In ancient societies, like Greek or Roman societies, pederasty was accepted. In my view, this is likely the case because in the ancient world the age at which people died was much, much lower than it is today. As life expectancy has grown, so have many differing concepts. People forget that childhood is a very recent development. In the works of French Historian Phillipe Aries [1]. “Childhood” did not exist until the 17^th Century, before which children were treated as “mini adults.”

My point here is that whilst we all agree that NO adult should be engaging in sexual relations with any child. The problem we have as a population is “how do we define what a child is?”.

When Robert Thompson and Jon Venables murdered Jamie Bulger in the UK, people were smashing the prison van trying to get to people society considered “children”, but now it was ok to remove that protection because they had committed such a heinous crime. It is very much a where do we draw the line question.

The reason I found this such an interesting topic was because of my own offending. Years ago I was convicted of possession of indecent images of children. During the trial, I was surprised to find the level of indifference to the accused in general. If you have read “The Stranger” by Albert Camus or “The Trial” by Franz Kafka, you will understand what I mean. The case prior to mine was a woman who had been found guilty of dealing drugs outside a school. To most in the court this was so regular as to be of little interest. When my case came up, for right or wrong, I was subject to heckling from the crowd. Criminals berating other criminals for having broken the law was laughable.

Prior to the trial, I was subject to an assessment by the social work department. Even before the trial, I was a branded a criminal and it seemed they wanted to find anyway they could, to make me out to be the devil. They had no interest in anything remotely related to “how do we stop this person from committing offences in the future?”. In fact, one black mark they raised against me was that I had not been to kindergarten, they were especially offended when I informed them that by not going and my first day at school, I was already ahead of the other children in reading, writing, and arithmetic. This was because my mother stayed in the home and my dad helped teach me every chance he could get.

It was not until my solicitor got me to attend a Forensic Psychologist who specialised in this type of offending. One session with her and everything made sense. “I am and have always been an unhappy person, who has never fitted in with his surroundings. I have many symptoms of an Avoidant Personality Disorder (it is impossible to confirm this diagnosis without further investigation) with Generalised Anxiety (thus making a contact offence extremely unlikely now or in the future). I have used legal pornography as a method of coping with these problems and when I became numb to the physical and psychological effect, I required more extreme (and illegal) material resulting in accessing Child Abuse Material (CAM, it is WRONG to call it child pornography – children cannot consent).”

Subsequently, I was convicted and went through a program to deal with my issues. I put my success to not offending down to a promise I made to my parents that I would not. I can only hope this continues in the future.

“The degree of civilization in a society can be judged by entering its prisons.” – Fyodor Dostoevsky

[1] Ariès, P. (1962) Centuries of childhood. New York: Random House. (1962).

Men who lack friends (Women most affected)

Discussion point begins around 5:30. This was an appearance by Kevin Hart, around 2015, talking about his new movie The Wedding Ringer.

Although successful at work, the main character, played by Josh Gad, has no one to be his best man or groomsmen so seeks out the services of Kevin Hart’s character.

Now watch what happens when Hart describes his role. “I provide a business for those who lack friends”. The audience laughs.

Kevin Hart is a funny guy, so he can make a lot of things funny. However, he did not seem to be making out that having a lack of friends was funny, it just seemed like a description, so what does this say about the audience.

In my opinion, it says that these people find it funny. “Men don't have any friends, ahahahaha.” Is this the compassionate society? Would people laugh the same way if a woman on Tiktok was crying her eyes out because of her loneliness? I would but that is because I am a$$hole.

There may be many reasons why a person lacks friends.

I like this explanation by Stardusk that between men “there is a brotherhood at a local level … which is the exact opposite of women. Women don’t get along with each other at the local level.” For me, this shows that when men have a circle of friends or acquaintances they become settled with that group. However, when that circle dissipates, and the man is left with little or no friends then they are at a loss with how to reach out and bond with other men because there is no brotherhood at the global level making finding and establishing friendships with other men difficult. They either never needed to learn the skills to make more friends because they already had friends from school or other hobbies, and they will be friends until they are old.

For women this is the opposite they find it easier, on average, to engage and make friends with other women because they have to do it more often. However, at the local level, they are unable to retain those friendships for a longer period. This means they are constantly practicing their skills of friend making so they are able to develop a large pool of people to be friends or acquaintances with.

The reason men tend not to admit to lacking friendships is partly because of a sense of guilt or personal failing. Men pride themselves on being able to do, so if they are unable to do by making friends then it means they do not have the skills.

What about the compassionate society, is it accepting of men having a lack of friends? When you look at the success of TV’s shows like “Jerry Springer” or “Jeremy Kyle”, it seems not. They would shame men for not being able to do and so they were looked down as “pathetic”, to be ridiculed because it is ok for men to be the butt of jokes.

I was unable to find an equivalent meme generated for women. If there were would they be socially accepted? Let’s say it out loud, “I can’t believe she did not cry when Shane [if you know you know] died!”. “Do women even have feelings?”. How does that sound to you?

If you posted this on social media, how long before someone uses the word “misogyny”?

If men have a difficult time establishing friendship, then it must be better for men in a relationship with the opposite sex, right?

I thought this tweet characterised well the situation for men who are in long-term relationships. If you look at the case with YouTuber Idubbz, what appears to have happened there.

Women will slowly isolate her partner, tell him that she is the only friend he needs, and go about rearranging his life so that he spends less time with his friends and more time with her.

What would we call this if a man did this to a woman?

He would be called “controlling” or “abusive”. These tactics are warning signs used by professional services as a way of noting potential child abuse and "grooming" or of developmental issues. Yet when women do it, it is called looking after the family or quirky.

How does this impact on a man’s ability to seek out new friendships with other men?

Well, it makes this impossible for men. As I suggested earlier, men already struggle in developing the skills of friendship and now they are being made to focus more on their partner.

The only potential friend they may have is the partner of their wives/girlfriends rather than someone they may actually bond with.

You may counter with “but not all women do this” and maybe that is the case but, in my view, it is a case of arguing the exception rather than the rule. In all the relationships I have seen, this is the pattern.
A woman’s need to be the centre of attention, particularly with her partner, whether she is conscious of it or not, leading to them isolating their partner. It has become such a common trope that I have heard many comedians outline it in their act.They do it for their routine and when the laughter has died down, it is ignored because the target is men. Would it be accepted if the target was women?

A cursory look on google show there are many articles talking about the impact of loneliness on men’s mental health. A lot of these articles were written by women such as this https://www.vox.com/the-highlight/23323556/men-friendship-loneliness-isolation-masculinity

And there in lies the problem. They are written either from a woman or a weak-willed feminist male perspective, with them trying to prop up women in the belief that he will get some or maybe he actually believes it.

They treat men as requiring the same level of societal interaction as women and will suffer the same mental health impact as women if they do not receive it. There are always exception and there are men who do require numerous friends the same way women do. However, I contend that most men do not. What they require are hobbies and a space specifically for men but, they are not allowed these. This allows them to interact with other men as necessary but also to embrace their solitude when that is necessary. The reason men are having trouble in modern soyciety and their place within it, is because they are being treated as women. They are diagnosed as having the same mental ailments as women. The proscribed treatment is the same as women. Rather than treating men differently because men are different, they are being treated as defective women.

This is another of the main reasons Men are Going Their Own Way. Soyciety is treating men like women. “Talk about your feelings.”, “be more sensitive.” When this happens, they are shamed for not being a “real man”. If you were a woman in this situation where you are damned if you do and damned if you don’t, what would you do?

They are rebelling the only way they can. If they were to lash out at society. Shamed. Lash out against themselves. Shamed. Raise questions about soyciety not being built for men. Shamed. Challenge the authority of the family courts. Shamed.

The only thing they have left to fight back is to leave.

“Lack of friends is a sign that a man has many hobbies and time” – Hermann Hesse

Inspiration.

When setting up my account I was asked to enter a narrative about what I wanted the community/channel to be. The added text advised talking about my inspiration. We all face life in drastically different ways, for some it comes easily, for some of us it is extremely difficult, for the rest of us we are somewhere in the middle.

One of my many therapists, put her finger on the pulse. I am and always have been a deeply unhappy person. What do I know about inspiration? How I can I teach anyone how to be inspired? The simple fact is, I can’t but neither can anyone else. Inspiration comes from within.

The important factor for me is this. Has my life been as hard as anyone else’s? I doubt it but I do not experience anyone else’s pain, I can only experience my own. To me this pain has been all encompassing for most of my life, and probably will continue until I am no longer here.

All I can do is tell you my story, my perspective of it and in the end hope that it is enough (choose your own criteria for what is enough).   

I remember hearing from someone, “I don’t like any of that positive affirmation BS because it is said by people who are not living the life their inspirational quotes demand.”

So what? Does the fact that people do not live up to such expectations negate the validity of what is being said. I try to NOT deride people as being “stupid” because this implies, they suffer a low IQ or generalised intelligence and as Jordan Peterson has outlined in his research, this only affects around 10% of people, so it fits in with a normal distribution of a population, but this comes close to being “stupid”.

[I do think there is an epidemic of “foolishness” which is more suggestive of most people lacking wisdom, which I would consider the application of said intelligence.

This type of thinking is akin to “Oh well that person is not a professional sports person [interchangeable with anything you like], so they have no useful insight about sports.”

Given that some of the greatest football managers, either never played the game or not to any significant level – Andre Villas-Boas, Maurizio Sarri, Julien Nagelsmann, Carlos Alberto Parreria, Leornardo Jardim, why do we seem to put those with experience in a specific area of a sport (or indeed any field) such as playing on a higher pedestal?.

This makes me rethink whether or not people are actually “stupid” because there is no doubt, they are fools. (I include myself in all these insults).]

I wrote this a couple of days ago and, at the time, I thought this was right. I recognise that, yes people are generally foolish, but I was wrong in thinking this was because of personal failure such as failing to apply logic and their intelligence. From what I can see, people lack self-awareness and appear to act foolishly not because of a general fault (although that could be an answer) but because sometimes life is so painful that to face up to it is IMPOSSIBLE.

It makes you question “why should I bother getting up after life has beaten me down.” is it worth it?

How do I find inspiration (or at least the energy to get up in the morning)?

·            At my lowest, I made a promise to my parents that I would not commit suicide. Now, people may reply “well that is not much, how is that supposed to help me?” When dealing with self-hatred the promises you make to others are, I have found, much more powerful than any promise you could ever make to yourself. Beyond that, I am at a loss. Does this mean that this will work for you? Not necessarily, you have to find something or someone that has value to you.

“He who has a ‘why’ to live for can bear almost any ‘how’.” Friedrich Nietzsche

I have found that TV show Scrubs has some really deep discussions about these situations. I have posted a link of an analysis by two Franciscan Friars (Not trying to convert you, mainly because I don’t believe in organised religion and have difficulty with faith, I just think their input is insightful and powerful).

[Note: If I were to encourage anyone to watch anything I have linked, it would be this video. On a more personal note, I have to say I envy people who have actual faith (the belief in something bigger and better than yourself, not necessarily big G.O.D), because it is one of the most protective factors anyone can have. Sadly, I do not have that. If you have this, I encourage you to embrace your faith (not organised religion which is a different argument)

Incidentally, the background song by Brett Dennen “Ain’t No Reason” – Has some very deep insights and is worth a listen.

]

Mentors (and what about God?)

My point is this, if you find someone to be a good mentor (this includes your relationship with God, whether you believe or not) for you, in my view, they can be forgiven for whomever and whatever they are or may have been. Take Malcolm X (Little), he began by robbing stores for food and later graduated to drug-dealing, gambling, and prostitution rackets. Nowadays, many people would shun him due to modern soyciety’s fear and obsession with guilt by association. To some he was a hoodlum who did not deserve a place in civil society, to others he was an inspiration. Should those people give up his the inspiration he has to give, just because of his criminality and because they fear being associated with a such a person. In the end that is a choice for us all as individuals.

If you do find yourself in that position, I would be offering these references for you to consider.

https://scrubs.fandom.com/wiki/Her_Story_transcript

Prior to this part of the scene, Dr Elliot has a bust up with Dr Cox because of her newfound belief in a new mentor.

Despite their cynical approaches, Dr Cox and Dr House want what every person wants. To understand the world. To find meaning, to find that “why”, which will allow them to bear whatever “how” life throws at and them.
The problem for us all remains how do we push forward in the case without that “why”? Do we continue to search for it, or do we give up?

You are all smart enough to know where the road of giving up takes us. I would just note that just because there are people who are no longer with us who chose that road. They should not be judged harshly for this – they are not cowards. They are not weak. They simply made a choice that not being here was more advantageous than suffering whatever pain they had. I do not advocate taking that path, but who is to say they were wrong? My thought is that people say such things because they cannot deal with their own pain and perhaps, they are jealous, they are stuck in purgatory never able to deal with their pain until such time as the decision is taken out of their hands.

“Most People do not really want freedom, because freedom involves responsibility, and most people are frightened of responsibility.” – Sigmund Freud.

Life is pain.

Amen.

My view is that ANYTHING that helps you get up in the morning. ANYTHING that makes you want to be better than yesterday. ANYTHING that helps get you through the day, should not be dismissed casually.

A favourite of mine – “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step” – Laozi, Tao Te Ching. Take that first step and move on from there.

[Note: I did not want to end this in a pessimistic fashion so, I have added by way of an update, I have been thinking over this topic for a couple of days. I have cried at various times over these days (because I am a pu$$y); I have worked in my garden; I have played video games.
I have been feeling contented and, dare I say it, happy for those past couple of days. Not to say there has not been periods of happiness within my life but this feels different.

I hope that you can find something similar in your life.]

For those of you who have read this and taken something from it – I thank you.

For those of you who have read this and not gained anything from it – I wish you luck in finding what you are looking for.

Here is something else that might help:

https://www.samaritans.org/?nation=scotland

I am from the UK so I have no idea about Crisis centres in other countries but if you are experiencing trouble, I would implore you to seek out help. Therapy may not have worked for me, but it has got me to where I am now and that is significantly better than where I was. Take any wins, not matter how small you may think them to be.

As comedian Dave Allen said, “May your god go with you.”